Alcohol

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case . Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them!

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think are whispering when you are not.

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why you should have seeeexxxx

I have been saying this for years! Irish Sex Fairy 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. 2. Gentle,relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweatproduced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ============= 3. Adventurous lovemakingcan burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner."============= 4. Sex is one of the safest sportsyou can take up. It stretchesand tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming20 laps, or jogging 20 blocks and you don't need special sneakers! ============= 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depressionClimaxing releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria andleaving you with a feeling of well-being. ============= 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered.The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! ============= 7 Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ============= 8. Kissingeach day will keep the dentist away.Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. ============= 9. Sex actually relieves headaches.Achieving orgasm can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. ============= 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose.Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. ============= This message is for good luck in sex.

 

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Po Taters

PO TATERS" Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Spec Taters ". Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "Comment Taters" Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "Dick Taters". Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or to sweet. They ?are called "Aggie Taters". There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called "Hezzie Taters". Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Immi Taters". Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "Sweet Po Taters". If you know any "Sweet Po Taters", send this to them!! I just did..... Believe in yourself for everyone to believe in you

 

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Wine Humor

The information transmitted in this email is intended solely for the addressee. It is confidential and may be legally privileged. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorized. Any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken other than by the intended recipient is prohibited and may be unlawful. If you are not the intended recipient then kindly delete the mail from your system. Any opinion or views expressed in this mail may not necessarily reflect that of Shriram Group. Shriram Group considers unencrypted e-mail as an insecure mode of communication